


Leave the sadness and find happiness

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Fluff, Forehead Kisses, Foreign Countries, Foreign Language, Funerals, Hospitals, Hotels, Mild Smut, Multi, Weddings, care, travelling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-17 09:39:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5864329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Well..." Eren trailed off. "How about I grab the lube and we do the do in your hotel room?"</p><p>"Sounds like a plan. Don't get lost. Breaking news: boy lost in hotel corridor with lube, anyone that bad seen this boy report him. "</p><p>"Wow, I'm laughing my ass off." </p><p>"Hurry up, cuntmuffin."</p><p>"Excuse you. Attitude, fuck nugget." Eren gave a half smile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Falling

It's a rainy morning. The sun is up, but it's still sort of dark. Levi rolled over to his side and smiled at the sight of his love sleeping softly next to him. Birds outside were singing and passing cars were heard from time to time. He carefully moved a strand of hair behind her ear and planted a kiss on her forehead. She rubbed her eyes and yawned. She opened her eyes and was greeted by a smiling face of Levi. 

"Good morning, honey." Petra scooted closer to her lover. 

"Morning, flower." Levi embraced her.

It was a cold morning, it was early spring so that's to be expected. They stayed in each others arms for a few minutes, enjoying the company of one another. Petra sat up and straddled Levi's legs. They both were completely naked. She kept smiling. Petra took Levi's hand and intertwined her fingers with his. The rings clashed together, shiny diamonds on the white gold ring shined. 

"I still can't believe we're getting married in a week." 

"I know. But it's true. I'm so happy to be with you." Levi and Petra were locked in a kiss for a while. Their cat interrupted them. 

"Aww, does Mr Brass want breakfast?" Petra picked up the white kitty with black spots and nuzzled it. She set the kitty down and kissed her fiance. "I'm gonna take a shower."

"Okay. I'll make some breakfast." 

Petra got out of bed, took her clothes and walked to the bathroom. Levi lied on his back with Brass on his stomach. His life couldn't get better. He was marrying the girl of his dreams, the financial state is stable, they got a cat, all the family issues are dealt with and they were expecting a baby. Levi saw nothing but happiness in their lives. They found out last week that Petra was pregnant. They haven't told anyone else, they planned to surprise everyone during the wedding. 

Levi got up and threw on some clothes. He walked to the kitchen and the cat followed him. Levi poured some cat food for Brass and refilled the water. He took out some eggs and bacon out of the fridge and set them on the table. He knew exactly how she preferred her eggs and that she loves coffee in the morning. Levi was more of a tea fan but whatever makes her happy is fine with him. 

He was about done with her scrambled eggs with bacon. He set the table and put a vase with flowers in the middle of the table. On rainy days like these she is his sunshine. Nothing would get him down when she's with him. 

Petra came out of the bath and sat down to eat with Levi. 

"I'm going shopping for a dress today. We can have lunch together in town. Is that okay?"

"Of course. Take your time picking out a dress. I want you to be happy with what you wear." 

"Stop making me love you more than I already do!" Petra covered her face in embarrassment. Levi smiled and reached over the table to kiss her. 

"You're so cute when you're embarrassed." 

"I'll get you flustered eventually, too!"

"Believe me, you got me flustered all the time." 

"Really?"

"Yes, really." Levi took her hands and kissed them. "You're my everything." 

 "You're my everything, too." they touched foreheads and whispered sweet nothings into each other's ears. 

Time passed so quickly, there's only a week left until their big day. After that, they'll be able to spend their whole lives together. Petra helped Levi through some hard times and he did the same for her. Life would be so gray without the other there to cheer 'em up. 

It was nearly time for her to leave the house. She ran out giving a goodbye kiss and said she'll see him at lunch. Levi nodded and went to clean up the dishes. Brass kept scratching on the outside door and looked eager to get out. 

"What do you want? It's wet outside, you hate water. Silly." Levi took the cat and put him in the bedroom. 

 He turned on the TV. The news were on on air. The weather forecast was on right now. Levi managed to catch some of it. 

_It's going to be rainy today and the roads may get slippery. We advise drivers to be careful today and the same goes for pedestrians. Don't forget your umbrellas, folks. Hold on a little more, summer is just around the corner. Stay safe, everyone. And now the sports news..._

Petra will be driving to the town centre today. Levi thought he should warn her about the rain. He'll call her. It took a few rings for her to pick up. 

_"Hello?"_

"Petra, do you have a minute?"

_"I'm in a parking lot, I can talk."_

"Okay. I heard the forecast. They said the road will be slippery, be careful when driving, okay?"

_"I'll be careful. Don't worry, it'll be fine. Love you."_

"I love you, too." 

Click. She hung up. 

Even though they said it'll be raining, the sun has come out from behind the clouds. Maybe they were mistaken. Still, he can't risk losing his soon to be wife. Brass somehow escaped the bedroom and was now getting comfortable on Levi's lap. Levi petted the kitty and went to clean the house before leaving. 

He did laundry and vacuumed the house and dusted everything there is to dust. After doing everything there was still an hour left until lunch. Levi watched some stupid soap opera that happened to be on TV. Twenty minutes left until he has to leave the house. Levi got ready and left on time. 

He took an umbrella just encase. Levi called Petra to say that he's coming and to ask about their meeting place. It took a few rings and a voice said  _The person you're trying to reach is unavailable._ Levi didn't panic yet. Maybe the signal was gone. He tried again. Still the same voice saying she's unavailable. The third time was the same. He was starting to worry. Is she okay? Did something happen? 

Levi got a call from an unknown number. He prayed that it had no correlation with her not picking up. Levi answered with a nervous voice. 

"Hello?"

_"Levi? Hey! Thank god I reached you. Your phone was occupied."_

"Yeah, I was trying to call you. I thought something happened to you!"

_"Sorry, my phone died. I called you about lunch."_

"I'm on my way. Where are we meeting?"

_"There's a Chinese restaurant not far and I could really go for some of their food. Sound good?"_

"Sure. I'm on my way to the restaurant then. See you there."

_"Yup! See you soon."_

Levi sighed with relief. He got into his car and drove off. Some of the hottest hits were playing on the radio, in Levi's opinion they weren't that great. He drove past a flower shop and thought he'd surprise Petra with a bouquet of flowers. He stopped by the little store and picked out the brightest flowers in store. The lady wrapped it in the best paper they had and tied it with a ribbon that said  _For my ray of sunshine._

There were some other ladies in the store that helped out the old woman who owned the place. When he told them that the flowers were for his fiance they all awed and wished them luck on their wedding day. Levi thanked them, he got the flowers for half the price. He felt a bit uncomfortable with not paying the full cost, but the lady insisted. 

Levi got back into his car and carefully set the bouquet on the passenger's seat. It was starting to rain. At first it was just a drizzle. But that drizzle turned into pouring rain. It was hard to see through the list that the rain created. Levi cautiously drove behind a truck. The size of the truck was very intimidating, especially during this kind of weather. 

Levi got stuck in traffic when he was almost there. The rain had calmed down a bit. He was running late, the place wasn't far from where he was right now. He made a sharp turn to a Gas Station and parked there. He too his umbrella and the bouquet. Levi started walking towards where he needed to be, none of the cars were moving. Some even turned off their engines. It'll be much faster if he walks. 

Levi checked the clock on his wrist. He's fifteen minutes late. It's fine, he'll be there soon. He'll say that he wanted to surprise her with the flowers and that's the reason he's late. She loves little gifts like that. She never expects them so it never gets old seeing her flattered and surprised face. Levi was getting close and he could see the Chinese lanterns glowing in the rain. 

He saw the reason for all the traffic. There was a car crash. It was too far for him to see what cars there were. He kept saying to himself that it wasn't her car, that she's perfectly fine and she's waiting for him at the restaurant. Levi unconsciously sped up his pace. He got closer, he didn't want to look, he was too afraid. 

He was standing across the street from the crash. He slowly opened his eyes. At first his brain didn't register it. But there she was. Lying in a pool of blood. Someone got her out of the completely destroyed car, ambulance was already here. They were giving first aid. The bouquet fell from his hands along with the umbrella. They hit the wet ground, the flowers scattered everywhere, the text on the ribbon was washed away by the rain. 

Levi couldn't blink, this isn't real. This is just a nightmare. Wake up. Wake up. Please, tell me this is a nightmare. His legs limply walked towards her mutilated body. Tears began streaming down his cheeks. He was so close to reaching her, but a man who was a medic stopped him and tried to calm him down. Everything seemed to move excruciatingly slow. A scream escaped from his throat. He could barely hear his own voice, he was sure that he was screaming at the top of his lungs, but even that was a blur. 

All he heard was blurred out sounds of sirens and people trying to hold him back. Levi watched her get taken into and ambulance with an oxygen mask and strapped to a bed. How could this turn out so wrong. The whole scene was horrifying, there was blood everywhere, the condition of the cars was sickeningly shocking. Barely anything was left of the cars. Levi dropped to his knees, he stared blankly at the pool of blood in front of her car. 

He asked the medics which hospital they're taking her to. It was Sina's central hospital. Levi asked if they could take him there. The medic said yes, but he wouldn't be able to see her for at least a few hours. Levi didn't care, he just wanted to be there when they bring her in. He wanted to make sure that she's okay himself. Levi's heart was racing, praying that she'll live he rocked back and forth to calm himself. 

They arrived at the hospital and Levi dashed towards the entrance. He ran up to the reception and asked where Petra Ral was. 

"She's in the operating room. Please, take a seat and wait until the doctors are done."

"Do you know how long she'll be there?"

"Sorry, sir. I'm just a receptionist."

Levi sighed and took a free seat in the waiting room. So many thoughts were going through his head. He kept biting his lip and tapping his foot. He occasionally ran his head through his hair, it was a mess. He got a text. He didn't want to check it at first but did it anyway. The text was from Isabel. 

**Isabel: Hey, how are you holding up?**

**Levi: The worst that could be. Petra... She...**

**Isabel: I heard the news... I'm so sorry. What hospital are you in?**

**Levi: Sina's central hospital. She's still not out of the operating room and it's been a couple of hours.**

**Isabel: Me and Farlan are coming to you right now. I took some sandwiches, you're hungry, right?**

**Levi: Yeah... But that's the least of my worries.**

**Isabel: Don't be that way. We'll be there soon.**

**Levi: Be careful.**

**Isabel: I know. Farlan's driving today.**

After some time Isabel and Farlan stepped through the entrance of the hospital and instantly spotted Levi. They walked over to him and he got up to greet with them. Isabel pulled Levi into a hug and Farlan shook hands with Levi. 

"Here, eat something before you starve." Isabel took out a sandwich out of the bag and gave it to Levi. 

"Thanks." Levi unwrapped the foil and bit into it. 

"Sorry that we couldn't make it here sooner." Farlan sat down next to Levi. 

"We were looking after the shop and as soon as we heard the news we drove to here. " Isabel set the bag with the other two sandwiches that were also meant for Levi. 

"She'll be fine, right?"

"Of course! She's strong, she'll definitely make it and you'll definitely get married!" Isabel said without any doubt in her voice. 

"Isabel, turn it down a notch." Farlan pulled on her sweater and nodded towards all the people that were staring at them. 

"Is Levi Ackerman here?" a nurse came in and looked around the waiting room. 

"That's me." Levi stood up and walked over to the nurse. He looked back at his friends. They gestured him to go. 

"Follow me." the nurse said and walked down the corridor. Levi followed. 

They got into an elevator and started lifting up to the fifth floor. They made a few turns after getting out of the elevator and went down a hall. They stopped at the room where she was lying. The nurse left him to gather the courage to face reality, she knew it wasn't pretty. Levi took a deep breath and opened the ward door. What he saw pained his heart. 

She was hooked to life support and various other machines. She couldn't even breath by herself. Levi slowly walked towards her. She had a brace around her neck and it seemed like one of her hands was broken. The rest was covered with a blanket so he couldn't see the rest of the body. Her head was bandaged, only one eye was visible and half of her face was uncovered. The doctors managed to stop the bleeding, at least she's alive. 

It was dark, the rain had stopped, a drop fell from time to time but the weather has calmed down. He sat down on the chair next to her bed. Levi would hold her hand but he's afraid of hurting her. She was asleep, probably from the surgery. She seemed to be peacefully sleeping, at least she doesn't feel all the pain right now. The door opened and interrupted the silence in the room. It was the doctor. 

"You're Levi, right?" he asked. 

"Yeah." 

"Alright, we'll go through some things." the doctor say down next to Levi and they started talking. "We'll start with she'll live. It's most likely that she'll recover. She has seventy percent chance of recovery."

"So she will be okay?"

"As we see it, yes."  the doctor saw how relieved Levi was and started again. "She didn't suffer a serious head injury so she didn't fall into a coma, thankfully. She is asleep right now because of the medicine we gave her to ease the pain."

"What happens when she wakes up?"

"She'll be in excruciating pain. We will do everything we can to help her."

"Will she undergo anymore surgeries?"

"It depends. The most likely scenario is that she'll stay here a few weeks, she'll have to go to our pool. It's a form of therapy and exercise."

They went over some more things about it and after they were done the doctor left. Isabel and Farlan walked in after the doctor left. 

"So how is she?" Isabel asked. 

"They said she has a seventy percent chance of recovery."

"That's good. I know she will make it." Isabel stood next to her bed and set a teddy bear next to her. 

"The visiting hours will end soon. We should get going. But I think they'll let you stay here, Levi." Farlan put his hand around Isabel, she acknowledged it by resting her head on him. 

 "I'll go with you, guys. My car is pretty far and it's late."

"Tomorrow you have work, don't you?" 

"Yeah, I'll visit her after work tomorrow."

Levi said farewell to Petra and left with his friends. He looked at her one last time before closing the door. 

* * *

It was the next morning. Levi woke up early to get ready for work. He was a teacher at a high school. He wasn't prepared for today's class, he thought about not going at all, but scratched that idea. He needs to take his mind off things. School is the perfect distraction. 

Levi fed the cat and dressed himself up. He took a shot before leaving. He walked to school, his car was still back at that gas station. He didn't want to drive anyway. He still had a few weeks of classes left to teach. He'll get through it somehow. 

He made it to school and began his lecture to eleventh graders. The teenagers weren't as troublesome as every other day, it was easier to Levi. It would be much harder if he had to deal with pesky teens after such an emotional burden has fallen on him. He managed to get through the day and before he knew it, he was already in the hospital, with her. 

He expected her to still be asleep. But when he walked through the door she turned her head and smiled. Her smile looked painful. Levi smiled back at her. 

"Hey, how are you feeling?" 

"I'm alright. It doesn't hurt." Petra reached her fine arm towards Levi's face. She caressed his cheek. She wanted to kiss him but she had an oxygen mask on. "How was the day at school?"

"Same old. Did the doctors say anything new?"

"No, they just explained my condition and gave me some drug to ease the pain."

"I see. I'll visit you every day okay?"

"Don't strain yourself. I'll be fine, focus on your job and I'll focus on getting better."

"I can't go on without seeing you at least once."

"We both need to do our best. You'll see. In a few days I'll be standing in a beautiful white dress in front of the altar and our family will be there. Music and dances, desserts, drinks and best of all, you'll be there too." 

"It's okay, we can cancel the wedding and wait until you're fully recovered." 

"I have to get better soon. For our child." Petra squeezed Levi's hand, he did the same. 

"You'll definitely make it through."

Petra smiled and closed her eyes. Her eye, to be exact. The other one was still covered with a bandage. "If you don't mind, I'm very tired. I'll just... Rest for a little..."

"Get all the rest you need." Levi kissed her forehead. The beeping of the machines indicated that she's alive.

He put his head on her chest. He can hear her heartbeat. It was so relaxing, Levi fell asleep. He dreamt that she's up and well, playing in a flower field with their child. They're laughing and inviting him to play, too. He joins in and the three of them played in the field like a happy family. 

Levi woke up to the same, stable beeping of the machines. Petra was gently stroking his head. He tried to get up but she didn't let him. So they stayed like this for a long time. Eventually, the nurse came and said that the visiting hours are over. Levi had to leave. He promised her that he'd be back tomorrow. 

Every day for a week he came to visit her after work. He kept his promise. The third day of his visit she didn't have the mask anymore, her eye was covered by an eye patch only. She was recovering. Even if it's just that she doesn't need a mask, it's still a big deal in this situation. 

He made sure to bring her flowers and gifts every time he visited. Levi and everyone else was happy to see her recover so hastily. Levi had hope, a mere car crash couldn't ruin their happiness like that. He was determined to live a happy life with her, he was sure she was determined, too. She kept fighting and it was working, she really is strong. 

The fourth day he visited her she had one less machine hooked to her. That's a big achievement. Levi was so happy to see her get better so soon. They spent most of the time in each others arms for the time that Levi visited. Her other friends and family visited her too. They never crossed paths with Levi because they would go see her in the morning and Levi would do it in the evening. It's better this way. They needed the time alone. 

Things were looking up again. 

* * *

 

Today was the day of their wedding. He visited her after work like always. This time he brought balloons, flowers and a box of her favorite treats - Macaroons. A big smile spread across her face. Levi barely fit through the door with all the gifts. That made her laugh a little. All the nurses in the corridor talked about what a perfect fiance Levi is and how jealous they are. What kind of man doesn't take care of his lover that he's planning on spending his life with? Levi thought it was only natural to care for a person like that. 

"Happy wedding day." Levi kissed his bride. 

"You, too." she happily accepted the balloons while Levi put the flowers in a vase. "You really didn't have to. Love can be expressed by affection, not objects."

"I wanted to make it feel at least a little festive." Levi scratched the back of his head. 

"You're only like this when you're with me. You never show you're flustered." Petra smiled. She was sitting up in the hospital bed. 

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Maybe. But it makes me feel special." Petra extended one of her arms. (the other one was in a brace.) Levi walked closer to her. She hugged him and thanked for the gifts. 

"Here, I know how much you love these so..." Levi gave Petra a box wrapped in dark brown wrapping paper and a ribbon. Petra took the box and quickly unwrapped it. 

"I adore these!" she took a pink one and took a bite out of it. "It's so good! Take one." she offered one to Levi. He shook his head. 

"These are for you."

"Today is _our_ day. Now take one!" Petra insisted that he took the sweet. It was a whole box of them. Levi picked out the green one and they did a little toast for their wedding. 

"You wanted a macaroon cake for our wedding, remember?"

"Ha, yeah. I still do."

"What was the song you wanted to play during our wedding?" Levi took out's CD and put it in the stereo that was on a little counter in the ward. He played it. 

"No way! You got this song just to play it to me today?" BØRNS Electric Love was playing. Petra wanted to have this song play on their wedding. Levi made sure to get it on the CD. 

"Imagine us dancing to this." Levi sat on the edge of her bed and chuckled. 

"Hey, don't laugh! It's a good song." Petra tugged him on his arm and kissed him. Incidentally, fireworks launched into the sky and they got the first row view because they were on the top floor of the hospital. They enjoyed the show while it lasted. 

The hospital's security chased away whoever was launching those fireworks. They could hear the shouts of the guards and laughs of the teenagers. She lied back. Petra looked tired, she looked Levi in the eyes and stated:

"Promise me that you'll be happy. No matter what happens... Find something that makes you happy, okay?" she smiled weakly. 

"Petra, you are my happiness. You're everything I'll ever need."

"Promise me." she had a firm tone of voice. She wasn't fooling around. 

"What are you talking about? Why are you acting so weird?"

"Just promise me you'll find happiness somewhere else. No matter what happens..." her voice was once again the same soft and comforting voice Levi knew so well. Levi saw that he didn't really have a choice. 

"I promise."

"I'm glad..." she leaned in and kissed him again. "Remember your promise, okay?" her voice was shaky. A single tear ran down her face. 

"Yeah." 

She lied back and smiled. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Levi held her hand. 

She closed her eyes. A smile was present on her face along with a tear. The stable beep... Beep... Beep...  Turned into a constant beep of the machine. The line was straight. She no longer had pulse. She... She... Levi snapped his head to the machine and froze. It felt as if his own heart has stopped too. 

 The nurses rushed into the room. Levi was staring blankly at her pale face. He squeezed her hand as hard as he could, he tried to hold back the tears but he couldn't. He refused to believe that she's dead. They'll save her, she'll be okay. She has a seventy percent chance of survival. Levi was asked to wait outside. He did. 

He saw doctors rushing to her ward. He stood outside in the corridor. Waiting. Waiting for a miracle, maybe they'll bring her back. One of the nurses came out and told the news to him. 

"I'm sorry, but there's nothing we can do anymore..." 

How could this be? She was getting better, she was laughing and breathing on her own. Why? Why? Why now? They were so happy. He was so happy. The world just likes to make him think that everything is going great in life and then it all starts crumbling down. And there was nothing he could do. 

The doctor told him all the information needed about her death. He said he'll contact her family and they're planning to keep her in the hospital's morgue to find out the cause of death. Levi didn't listen to anything. He stared blankly at the floor and his head was empty. 

"Do you have friends or anyone who could drive you home?" that was the only thing Levi registered from the doctor. 

"Yes. I'll contact them myself." 

"We are very sorry for your loss..."

Levi didn't answer. How could they possibly know how this feels. How does it feel to lose a person closest to you. The person you wanted to spend your whole life with. It's all just empty pity. 

 He took out his phone and texted Farlan. 

**Levi: Farlan, could you come pick me up?**

**Farlan: Sure. Where are you right now?**

Levi could barely read what Farlan texted him. It was hard to see anything through the tears. He kept wiping his eyes with his sleeve, it was drenched in tears and they still kept coming. Levi calmed down, took a few deep breaths and texted back. 

**Levi: I'm at the hospital.**

**Farlan: Got it. I'll be there soon.**

**Levi: Thanks.**

**Farlan: don't mention it.**

 Levi was thankful that he didn't question it. Farlan was the kind of friend that didn't pry too much. Levi definitely wasn't ready to talk about it. He can't even think about her and not cry. It was so unreal that she's dead. She's gone forever. That was impossible. How can he live without her? Just a few minutes ago she was smiling and talking with him. All it takes is just a few minutes to change everything so drastically. 

He was sitting on the floor, back against the wall, head hung low. He contemplated some things, some random thoughts crossed his mind like: there's no milk in the fridge, forgot to clean the cat's litter box, how much does it cost to make a rocket. Stuff that's completely unrelated. It was probably too shocking for him to think about it. His mind was deflecting the obvious truth that she's dead. 

Farlan showed up soon and saw his friend devastated and a wreck on the floor. 

"Hey... Let's go home, alright?" Farlan extended an arm to Levi. He took it and got up. Farlan knew what was wrong, he saw it from Levi's face. 

They got into Farlan's car and drove back. He asked if Levi wanted to stop by his and Isabel's place or go straight home. Levi chose the latter one. He wasn't the type to talk out his problems. He needed to be alone. His friends fully respected that and gave him all the space he needed. They always let Levi know that he could rely on them for anything. We're all human, after all. 

Levi opened the door to his house and was greeted by Brass. He did whatever the cat was asking for and later walked to the alcohol cabinet. Levi's hand hovered over the knob for a minute. He can't turn to alcohol. He got rid of that bad habit, he can't start again. He found a pack of cigarettes lying in the back, behind all the bottles. He took it. Good enough. 

Levi lit the cigarette and started smoking it. He forgot how disgusting the cigarettes tasted. He finished smoking it anyway. It was late, he had work tomorrow. Whatever, he'll just give the fuckers some exercises from workbooks. The alcohol was calling his name, it was hard to resist. He managed to fall asleep without a single drop of alcohol in his body. 

He woke up late this morning, he didn't care. Levi left the house after taking care of the cat. He just drank some coffee. He almost gagged from the bitter taste of it. He drank it anyway.  Levi was out of the house. 

Levi gave the kids some work. He stared out the window and felt himself get melancholic.  

Day after day passed and he couldn't forget her. No matter how hard he tried to suppress the sadness, it always found its way to get out. It's not like he wasn't used to it. Levi threw on an emotionless mask and continued to do his job properly. He couldn't let his students see him like a wreck. He didn't talk more than he needed to. He explained the lesson and gave them some work. 

Levi's students knew that he was supposed to be married by now. They noticed that Levi was more lively and he talked with them more, maybe even crack a joke or two, when he and Petra were dating. They heard the news about them getting married from Levi himself. He should be happy, but they didn't know yet. That Petra is dead. 

It was her funeral tomorrow. Levi thought about staying home. But he didn't get to say goodbye. 

* * *

 

It was the funeral. All her friends and family were gathered there. Levi didn't want to go alone so Isabel and Farlan came along. Everyone said what they remember about her. Almost all of them mentioned how she was about to get married and have a happy life with Levi. Nobody knew about the baby, Levi didn't tell because that's just too much. To find out your daughter died and she was pregnant is a heavy hammer to hit a person with. 

She wasn't religious. But her family was, the priest gave his speech and blessed her soul to rest in peace. Levi hoped with all his heart that she's at peace. It was painful seeing her getting lowered into the ground and being buried. He watched how she slipped away from him. With every centimeter they lowered her the more further away she felt. 

After they lowered the casket everyone drove to mourn for the loss of dear Petra Ral. Levi stayed at her grave with the two of his friends. They tried to comfort him as much as they could. Especially Isabel. Levi was on his knees and he put a box with a wedding ring in it next to a picture of her. She was smiling in the picture. Levi would give anything to hold her in his arms again, hear her laughter, plant a gentle kiss on her soft lips. 

"Let's grab something to eat. How about it?" Isabel patted Levi on the back. 

"You guys can go, I want to stay here a bit longer." 

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." 

They came in separate cars so Levi could leave whenever he felt like it. Levi kissed his fingers and put them on her picture. It wasn't a typical funeral like it's shown in movies. There was no rain, it was the opposite. Sun was shining as brightly as it could. Though, drops hit the ground, but it wasn't the rain. It was the pain of the people close to her. Their pain took the form of salty water and escaped their eyes. 

After being there for a while he said his last goodbye and got into his car. His head was blank the whole way he was driving back. Levi found himself wiping away tears that he didn't notice before. After some time he was finally home. He opened the door and entered. All of her things were still there.

All of their pictures on the shelves, her clothes in the closet, her hygiene products, her favorite books. The house felt so empty without her. It didn't feel like home anymore. It was just a place he could throw his mask away and be himself. 

 He poured himself a drink and gulped it in one go. He poured another shot of tequila. Shot after shot and half of the bottle was gone. It still wasn't enough, he finished the whole bottle. He was getting tipsy, but far from being drunk. Levi took a bottle of Jack Daniels and drank two thirds of it. That worked. He wasn't as drunk as he wanted to be, but he felt like he was about to pass out so he lied down on his couch and closed his eyes. 

His slumber didn't last long. He woke up in the late evening. He was sweating, his body was aching. Levi slumped to his bed and collapsed onto it. He began dreaming again. Unfortunately, it was a nightmare that woke him up. After that he slept worse than he ever has. The worst part was that he couldn't blame this on anyone. 

The next morning was hell. He had a bad hangover and he had to go to school. Levi got off the couch where he fell asleep last night and poured himself a glass of water. He drank it along with some pills to help deal with the hangover. He made himself look presentable to go to class and left the house. 

The sun was making the hangover much worse. It was a bad idea to drink before work. All he wanted to do is lie in his bed and be drunk out of his mind to forget everything. Going to school was the hardest task to do. His legs barely listened to him. Levi got to school and the loudness of the everyday chaos was ripping his head apart. 

"Take a seat, Levi." 

Levi slowly walked over to his desk and sat down in front of him. His desk was a mess, it hard not to start organizing everything on the desk. 

"Do you know why I called you?"

"Maybe."

"Levi, your students say that you've been acting depressed for the past few days."

"Well,  you would be depressed, too if the person you love the most died on your wedding day." Levi crossed his arms. His voice showed no hint of anger but inside he felt it. 

"I can't imagine how it feels but... Why don't you take a break?"

"Are you firing me?"

"No. Of course not. I'm just saying that you should take some time off work."

"Some time?"

"I can give you a lot of time for vacation."

"Erwin, how do you imagine I'll be spending my free time? I'll be drinking my grieving away and feeling sorry for myself."

"You should travel."

"Erwin. This is hardly the time to be talking about travelling."

"I'm serious. You'll visit some new places, meet new people. Maybe you'll get to know a new culture."

"Yeah, sounds fantastic. Getting lost in unknown places and looking like a retard while trying to communicate with the natives sounds like a fucking ball."

"It'll help you take your mind off everything. At least you won't be drinking."

"I can find bars in other countries too. Why are you so worried about me beginning to drink again?"

"Did you forget how shitty it was for you back when you couldn't go a day without a shot? After you stopped you finally started looking alive and like a functional human being."

"That won't happen again. I'm in total control of what I do."

"Not when it comes to alcohol." 

"Like you would know." 

"I do. I know you've been drinking lately. How much did you drink?"

"I didn't d-"

"How much?" Erwin's voice was firm and low. 

"A bottle, maybe two." Levi sighed. 

"A bottle or two? You're joking?"

"Look, I'm fine. Even if so go back to the way I was, that's fine with me."

"Levi, that is not okay with us. We want you to be happy."

"The only thing besides Petra that makes me happy is alcohol. So, please. Let me make my own choices." 

"You'll be the one making the decision in the end. Make it a wise one."

Levi got up and left. He didn't have anything else to say to him anymore. He stood there leaning on the door for a minute and thought about Erwin's words. Travelling was just ridiculous in this situation. That won't do. 

 


	2. The Ocean eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi meets Eren and falls for him unexpectedly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About half way in, there's gonna be song lyrics. Here's the song: :)  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2VBC8uM-SU

Levi's day of classes ended and he went back home. Finally, he could relax and drink a shot or two, or ten even. When he got home Brass was nowhere to be found, the cat's, probably, playing with its toys under a bed or something. Levi unbuttoned his shirt and plopped down on the couch. he took a glass that was fairly clean and poured a drink.

He sighed and took a big sip of his drink. He looked at the glass filled with alcohol and remembered what Erwin had said earlier. Maybe he really should travel. But where would he go? Japan? Russia? Italy? France? One of the Baltic states? That thought is just too ridiculous. Maybe because it's so ridiculous it's actually a good idea?

Levi was off the couch now and staring out he window. Holland is the country he'd want to visit. His uncle lives there, maybe he should give him a visit. Levi put down his glass and opened his laptop. he searched up how much would tickets cost for a flight to Holland. It's a decent amount, he could afford it.

He looked up when the next flight is and made a mental note to himself. He took his phone and texted Erwin. He let  him know that he'll need the vacation time. Erwin gladly replied and wished him luck on his journey. Levi sighed and turned off his phone. He got up and started packing.

He'll need someone to look after the cat. Maybe Isabel and Farlan will do that, she always wanted a pet. at least temporarily she'll get to enjoy a company of an animal. Farlan doesn't let her keep pets since she'll get bored of it and leave all of the responsibility on him.

This somehow feels like he's running away from this whole situation. Levi finished his drink and started picking out things he'll need. He took some hygiene products, clothes, a few of Petra's favorite books. He had everything packed by the evening. He ate some instant noodles for dinner and went to sleep early again.

* * *

The next day was the flight. Levi go up earlier than usual and got dressed. He needed to drop Brass off at Isabel and Farlan's place. He didn't touch any alcohol this morning, he's kind of nervous about the flight.

On his way to the air port he took some money from the bank. A lot of money. It's like he wasn't coming back here. That didn't sound too bad. All these places bring back too many memories.

The sun was up and shining bright. Not a single cloud. Levi made it into the plane and realized that he doesn't like the security here at all. Are they always so touchy?

He was lucky, no one sat beside him. he had the seats all to himself. Truly, the view was worth something. Levi played a playlist of his favorite songs and that only added up to the amazing view out the window. He felt his eyelids get heavy. He was getting sleepy. There's still a while before they land, might as well rest a little.

Strangely enough for him, he didn't feel sad. He felt fine. How could this be? This works like magic.

His plane landed and they got off. The weather wasn't too different from where he came. Good to know that he took the right clothes. Levi was starving so he thought he'd grab something to eat at his hotel.

He arrived at his room and left everything packed, he was too hungry to unpack anything. He went down to the buffet. He noticed a group of teenagers, or maybe young adults, fooling around by the tables. They seem to be having fun.

One of the three kids was shushing his other two friends. One of them had short, brown hair. For some reason he caught Levi's eye. He stared for a minute longer and minded his own business.

He snacked on some things that filled him up pretty good and went to his room to collapse on the bed. There was a pool and a hot tub on the first floor, he should visit there tomorrow.

Tomorrow he's going to walk around town and see some stuff, visit some bars, restaurants. That was his plan, anyway. He fell asleep looking at the lanterns outside, in the front yard of the hotel.

He didn't have a nightmare. But he was a little uncomfortable in a new bed and setting. He woke up a few times, some people were having sex next door and it was surprising how well the sound went through the walls.

* * *

Levi was looking at the map of the place he's at. He got a little lost. Levi had a few objects in mind he wanted to see, while he was wandering around, searching for them he got lost.

He soon found where to go and stopped by a diner. It was decent enough, the interior was interesting, the place seemed clean and filled with normal people. He found a free table and sat down. 

Rather than popular music that teens listen to, Arctic Monkeys were playing in the background. He had a few of their songs on his phone, they're alright, he's not exactly a fanboy. A nice waitress brought him a menu. 

He picked out some basic lunch. While he waited for his order he saw the same three teens walking outside. The boy with brown hair tried to drag his friends to this diner. They all went in. Levi turned his attention to the poster on his table. The group sat down right across his table. 

He was going through the drink menu. He was thinking of getting a cold glass of rum and coke. When the waitress comes back he'll order a glass or two. He realizes that he came here to get rid of drinking but just for today he'll treat himself. 

Their laughs began getting on Levi's nerves. They're just kids, let them have their fun while they're still young. He's still grieving, of course, they wouldn't know that.

Levi propped his head on his hands and he felt himself fall into self pity. They used to go on dates like these. They had so much fun together. Why did she have to go?

His eyes started to burn, he did his best to keep away tears from hitting the table. Levi had collapsed on the table in a miserable way. He feels so exhausted.

"Here's your order, sir." the waitress set down his plate with food.

"Thanks, do you serve alcohol here?" Levi picked himself up from the table.

"We serve cocktails, is that okay?"

"Yeah, bring the strongest that you have."

"Right away, sir."

Levi wasn't hungry anymore. He nibbled on his food a little and set down the fork. If Hanji was here she would shove his food regardless if he's hungry or not. She worries. At the funeral she wouldn't let him go until she was sure that he was safe to leave alone.

The waitress came back with his cocktail. He thanked her again and sipped it while blankly staring at the group of kids in front of him. He was contemplating everything he had done wrong, something that he would've done differently. It feels like all of the scars that healed had opened again. Not physical ones, not yet, at least.

Levi traced his fingers across his forearm. He rarely wears short sleeves now. He hasn't done this since college, she helped him get through it, now there's no one to stop him. He can imagine the crimson red run down and drip on the floor, the satisfying burn of the wound. Razors were his escape at some point, now it's alcohol.

Some would argue that alcohol is better than cutting. It's really not, they're both horrible ways to deal with pain. Levi realizes that and he's ashamed of it.

Looking at these energetic and cheery teens takes Levi back to when he was so young. High school was great for him, he hung out with friends until midnight, they'd do some stupid shit to get in trouble and it felt like the world was theirs.

Everything went to shit during college. Levi's dad wasn't around much, really, he wasn't home most of the time. His mom found out he was cheating and they got a divorce. Later that same year she got into a car crash... She didn't make it.

Levi's father was screwing other women, he didn't have time to look after Levi and pay for his college courses. So Levi was forced to live with his uncle. Shortly after Levi finished college his uncle moved to Holland.

When Levi was little Kenny used to look after him while his parents were at work. He wouldn't shut up about Holland all day. Especially the red lantern street in Amsterdam. Levi was too little to know what that was, now he's learned what kind of street that is.

Levi didn't have many friends as a kid, he did befriend a couple of kids in his neighborhood. They used to play all day until it got dark. He's still friends with them. Isabel and Farlan. They stuck through middle school and high school, withouth them during college was really hard. But that's when he met Petra.

A year after his first year, he noticed a girl walking around campus that caught his eye. They started talking, she found out about his situation back home and tried to comfort him as best as she could. Levi did a good job of hiding his cuts from her. When she found him in a pool of his own blood she burst into tears and started punching him. That was when she confessed her love for him. From then on they dated.

Levi's glass was empty. He sighed heavily. He almost didn't touch any of the food there.

"Are you okay?" a voice called out to him.

Surprised, he lifted his head up to find the teen boy with brown hair sitting across from him. He wanted to start yelling _No, I'm not okay. My wife is dead, everything I was happy about is dead. How could I be happy again? Or okay? I don't want this again, leave me alone._

"Yeah, I'm fine." Levi hung his head.

"You don't look fine." The boy didn't back down.

"Look, it's none of your business." Levi stared him right in the eyes.

"I want to help."

_God, his eyes are so gorgeous... I could get lost in them._

"There's no way you can help." Levi looked away. "It doesn't matter anymore..." he whispered out.

"So there is something wrong." his voice was so soft...

"Mind your own things, okay?" Levi was starting to get annoyed.

"I can see that you're not alright and I want to help you. Is that so wrong?" he kept his cool.

Levi didn't answer. He did need a shoulder to cry on, get this off his chest... But he doesn't know this kid at all.

"Would a hug help you?" the boy got up and waited with open arms.

Levi looked at him for a moment and looked down at his hands. He needs a hug, he really does. He got up and let the boy comfort him, he was surprisingly tall.

Levi was gritting his teeth, he wanted to weep out his eye right there and then. He grabbed onto the boy's shirt and gripped tight. That made the boy hold him closer.

Levi could hear his heartbeat, it was so calming. He felt a lump in his throat, tears were welling up in his eyes. He buried his face into the stranger and tried to hold back.

"We can go somewhere more private if you want to talk." the boy stroked Levi's back.

_This isn't a good idea. Is it?_

"My hotel isn't far from here."

"Let's go there then?"

"Okay..."

"My name's Eren. by the way."

"I'm Levi."

The two of his friends were nowhere to be found. Maybe they left him here since he wanted to talk to Levi?

They went back to the hotel. Past the pool, the hot tub and up to Levi's room. He felt strangely calm around Eren. They didn't talk while on the way to the hotel, it was just a few minute walk.

"When you're ready, we can talk, okay?" Eren was careful with his words. Maybe he didn't want to pressure Levi.

"Sit down next to me... You're warm." Levi patted the bed beside him. Eren sat down next to him.

"Do you want another hug?"

Levi knocked Eren over with his hug. He was a little surprised but soon wrapped his arms around Levi. It didn't take much time for Levi to start sobbing into Eren's chest.

Eren did his best to comfort him. While Levi was bawling his eyes out, he was listening to Eren's steady heartbeat. It was calming but at the same time it recalled memories that made him cry even harder. Eren held him a close as he could. He patiently waited for Levi to finish weeping his soul out, it'll feel better.

 

_"Drunk, I've dreams of the past_

_Been reading all the wrong pages for so long_

_I've been looking for something I already have"_

 Eren started singing softly and quietly. Levi was still sobbing.

 

_"And how long did you know?_

_These months have gone by so fast_

_But did you really think that it was gonna last?_

_Well, did you?"_

 

 His voice is like a lullaby.

 

 

_" "But does it get any better from here?", I heard you say_

_Just talkin' to shadows_

_"(But) does it get any better from here?", I heard you say_

_It's not like it matters anyway"  
_

 

 

> _I wanna give you my love_
> 
> _I wanna give you everything that's beautiful_
> 
> _So you could hold it in the palm of your hand_
> 
> _Give it to the ones you love_
> 
>  
> 
> _"Will it get any better from here?", I heard you say_
> 
> _Just talkin' to shadows_
> 
> _"(But) does it get any better from here?", I heard you say_
> 
> _It's not like it matters anyway._
> 
>  

It has been five minutes since he stopped crying. They were lying on the bed in silence. Levi felt much better now. He wanted to rest a bit, he was exhausted. He let himself close his eyes and fall asleep on Eren.

Eren covered him with a blanket and went out after he carefully slipped from under sleeping Levi.

Levi wasn't dreaming about anything, he slept calmly. He woke up a couple hours later, the sun was still up, he wanted to take a walk and get some fresh air.

He threw on a jacket and opened his room door. Next to it stood Eren.

"Were you waiting here the whole time?" Levi looked at him dumbfounded.

"Well... I went and grabbed some food while you were napping and came back shortly after."

"Sorry. Why were you waiting?"

"I- This is embarrassing, I wanted to get to know you..." a slight blush crept up Eren's cheeks.

Levi, too, got embarrassed for some reason.

"I'm going out for a walk so..." Levi avoided eye contact.

"Can I join you?"

"Sure."

Eren had a wry smile on his face and he gladly walked along side Levi. The soft outside breeze greeted them right after they left the building.

They wandered without a destination, the sun was setting. The sky was golden, everything is so beautiful. Everything looks brighter, he can't focus his attention on anything other than Eren.

They were walking by the ocean but why look that way when you have a pair of eyes that look just like it and are way more fulfilling? His heart started racing again. Levi gets embarrassed whenever he remembers being held by this boy.

His heart doesn't hurt anymore, he's mesmerised by this boy. Did he..? No way. How could he have a new love interest so shortly after her death?

 _Promise me that you'll be happy. No matter what happens... Find something that makes you happy, okay?_ He remembered the words Petra said to him that night. To find something that makes Levi happy. Could he have found his new happiness? Is it really okay, though?

Levi stared at Eren while the walked. He just simply couldn't take his eyes off him. It's only been a few hours since they met. Did he cast some sort of magic spell on him?

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Eren caught Levi's stare.

"Nothing." Levi turned away with a pout and rose cheeks.

Eren chuckled and continued walking without teasing him.

"We're kind of lost..." Eren stopped and laughed nervously.

"What do you mean?"

"I forgot which way is back." Eren scratched the back of his head.

"That's fine, let's go a bit further, maybe you'll remember where we are."

"Alright."

They turned around the corner and they were in the red lantern street. Now Levi's seen it live.

"Oops..." Eren bit his lip. _No! Don't bite your lip, that's too attractive!_

"Should we turn back?"

"Nah, let's see what this is about." Eren laughed and dragged Levi by the hand.

There were a lot of ladies dancing in windows, almost naked. Levi was looking around and thinking why his uncle talked about it so much. Its nothing special, there's plenty of porn on the internet. Well, they're live so maybe that's different somehow?

Levi go tired of looking around and turned to Eren. He was already staring at him.

"What is it?"

"Do you wanna take a seat?"

"Why are you always questioning me? If you want to then you don't need me to give you permission." Levi smiled ever so slightly.

"Sorry. There's a bench over there, I'm kind of tired of walking..."

"Yeah, me too."

They sat down on he bench, they were no longer in the red lantern street. They've passed it a while ago. Levi sighed after sitting down.

"So where did your friends go?"

"Oh, they left because they got called to the hotel for something. I'm not sure."

"You're on vacation? Aren't you supposed to have school?"

"School? No, I'm finishing my last year of university." Eren said a bit sheepishly.

"What country are you from?"

"Do I have an accent?" Eren blushed.

"No, I just thought that you're maybe from a foreign country."

"Yeah, I'm from a little country called Lithuania. I'm running away from studies for a bit." Eren leaned back nonchalantly.

"I actually thought about going to one of the Baltic states."

"I'm glad you didn't because I got to meet you." Eren gave a warm and genuine smile. A smile Levi could melt from. "Say, why were you so broken down when I first talked to you?"

Levi furrowed his eyebrows and bit his finger. He took a breath of air and was about ot say something but Eren interrupted.

"It's fine if you don't want to share it, I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay."

"It's just... You reminded me of myself..."

"How so?"

"Well, my mother passed away in a car crash long ago. I was only nine..." Eren sighed. Levi didn't want to interrupt him.

"I know how bad it is when you can't talk to anyone or seek comfort. It sucks and I wanted to save you the trouble but... I ended up being weird and unhelpful."

"No, that's not true. You did help, I felt a lot better in your- when I cried everything out."

"I couldn't stop crying for days back then, I was a child that had his mother taken away at a young age. My dad is a deadbeat, I had to take care of the house with my sister. I always blamed him for it, her death. It seems so stupid now." Eren chuckled softly, hints of sadness traced his face.

"My mom passed in a car crash, too. And... so did my wife." Levi sighed heavily, he felt the same familiar tears in his eyes, he covered them. "Just a few days ago, her funeral was held." he tried to do his best to not let his voice crack.

"Oh god... I'm so sorry..."

"I'm here because my boss thought i needed time off." Levi shook his head. "I'd be drinking and vomiting my guts out right now."

Levi wanted to continue but he heard a silent sob coming from beside him. He was surprised to see that Eren was covering his eyes.

"What's wrong? Did you hurt yourself somewhere?" Levi got worried.

He shook his head and hugged Levi.

"I can't imagine you torturing yourself like that! It pains me..."

Levi stared blankly at the night sky full of stars. Everybody always gets hurt because of him. That time when Petra found him in a pool of blood, she was miserable. When he got drunk out of his mind, his friends drove him to the hospital, they were panicking, his mom was crying and yelling. After finding his scars, they... Every time. He hurts people.

It's always the same words. _It pains me; I can't stand seeing you like this; I care... etc._

"I"m sorry..." Levi pulled him back and got up. He didn't have any expression on his face, his voice didn't indicate any emotion.

Eren looked up at him confused. Levi turned around and started walking away. _There I go. I'm running away and I'm not making any effort._ Levi kept walking, he didn't turn back. All he does is hurt people.

"I fucking hate you!" those words physically hurt. Levi had just managed to turn around.

Eren was right in front of him, his lips against Levi's. Levi was so confused. He enjoyed it but it felt wrong. He doesn't deserve this. He needs to be hated by others and hate on other people. That's easier. At least they won't get hurt by him. Tears were rolling down his cheeks.

"I hate it when people act this way. Especially when that person is someone I..." Eren had troubles keeping his voice steady.

"Then go ahead and hate me! Despise me! I beg you, hate me with all your being!" Levi was yelling like a desperate child.

"How can I hate you when I just love you so much?!" Eren held Levi in a hug so tight, it almost felt like he would snap in half at any second.

Levi felt his heart drop. He tried to struggle out from his hug. He didn't care whether he's crying or not. He wanted to escape this deadly grip of his somehow. He's afraid that...

"I'm sorry... I know you had a wife so you're not into guys but I really do love you."

"Eren, let go."

"Sorry, I'm afraid you'll run away!"

"Loosen your grip a little then, I'm being a little crushed."

Eren pulled away. His eyes were red form tears.

"Hey, now..." Levi wiped away the remains of Eren's tears.

"Are you not repulsed?" Eren was looking at the ground.

"No, why would I be?" Levi smiled softly.

"So..."

"So?"

"How do you feel about me?" Eren was bushing furiously.

Levi stepped forward and planted a kiss on his lips.

"Does that answer your question?" Levi touched his forehead against Eren's.

"Do you feel the same way?" he was even redder now.

"Yes, silly." Levi embraced him.

"Can we change numbers?"

"Yup."

"I can't believe it. Wait. I love you and... you love me?"

"Yes, I love you." Levi chuckled.

"Can I give you compliments and stuff?"

"Yes, what kind of question is that?"

 "Your laugh is amazing, I love your stormy eyes, your hair looks perfect and your lips are really soft."

"Whoa, that's a lot of compliments." Levi chuckled. "I could get lost in your eyes for hours, your warm and soft hands give me comfort, I love the fact that you're you and I love your little accent."

"Awww... Wait, so I do have an accent?!"

"It's cute." Levi kissed Eren's forehead.

"Well, if you say so then that's fine." Eren averted his eyes.

"It's late, we'd better return to the hotel."

"Yeah..." Eren wanted to say something more but didn't dare to.

"What is it?"

"How can you read me so well?" Eren pouted.

Levi shrugged. "So what is it?"

"Can we hold hands?"

"Come on, you need to stop asking and just do it. You had no problem kissing me out of nowhere."

"I was caught in the moment..." he was blushing in such a cute way.

"Let's hurry." Levi extended his arm. Eren gladly took it.

They walked back, admiring the view, the lanterns late at night, the moon reflected in each others eyes. Eren's friends were waiting for him at the front door of the hotel. Levi said goodbye and went to his room.

_All of this happened in just a day... This is so surreal._

Levi remembered about the pool downstairs. It's late, no one is going to be there, it's perfect if he managed to sneak in. The pool is probably closed at this hour.

He gathered a towel, slippers and, of course, swimming shorts. He didn't run into anyone in the corridors, it's not surprising, normal people would be sleeping right now.

Levi found the door to the pool unlocked, maybe the staff forgot to lock it? He closed the door behind him and set his things on the bench.

He changed and hopped into the pool. It feels nice. It's pretty because it's dark all around except the pool, it's like an essence of light itself. He likes how it sounds under water, everything ceases to exist when he's under water.

He'd enjoy swimming if it weren't for the scars. Levi was floating on water with his eyes closed. Who needs therapy or anything like that when you have swimming pools? It's the best relaxation he could get.

Levi heard the door open and someone walk in. He dived under water in an attempt to not get noticed. He forgot one important detail, he left his shirt and slippers near the bench.

The person walked carefully to see if anyone was in the pool.

"What are you doing here?"

"The same thing you're doing." Levi got out of the pool and sat down on the edge, dipping his legs in.

"I came here for a late night swim." Eren sat down next to Levi.

"Ditching your friends again?"

"pffft, no."

Levi went and go this towel, he wrapped himself in it.

"You're not gonna swim anymore?" Eren sounded almost disappointed.

"Nah, I should probably go to sleep." Levi put on his shirt and hid his forearms.

"Why do you need that shirt on? You're a the pool."

"It's cold in the corridors."

Eren didn't say anything. He dived into the pool. Levi wanted to swim with him but he's afraid he'll see his scars. He regrets them so much.

Levi was walking past the pool when he slipped and fell in.

"Careful!" Eren swam over to him. "Did you hurt yourself anywhere?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Your shirt is soaked."

"It's fine, it'll dry." Levi got out of the pool. He really didn't want him to find out.

"Get your shirt off and get in the pool with me."

"No, I'm going back to my room."

"Please?" Eren got out and wrapped his arms around Levi.

"I'll just dip my feet in."

"Then take off your shirt, you'll get cold."

"I don't want to."

"There's nothing to hide, come on."

_There is. Believe me, there is._

"I said I don't want to."

"Next time maybe?"

"I-Fine, I'll go for a swim with you now..."

"Hooray!" Eren jumped into the pool.

Levi sighed and took off his soaked shirt. He hopes Eren doesn't notice.

Eren clung to him as soon as he got into the pool. While Eren was dragging him across the pool, he noticed something he didn't expect to see. Eren, too, had scars.

_He doesn't care whether I notice or not. Should I address mine?_

"Eren,"

"Yeah?" he was smiling.

"Did you notice my..."

"Yeah, I did. That's okay, I have them too!" he's so nonchalant about this.

"Why?"

"'Why what?"

"You didn't say anything."

"Because that was the past you and now I'm talking to the present you. There's no need to look back at the sad past, just the bright futures." Eren nuzzled Levi.

"Why are you so perfect?"

"Shut up! You're the perfect one here."

"Oh come on."

"You're right, I am perfect." Eren flipped his short, messy hair.

"You little shit." Levi chuckled and tackled him.

Levi was tickling him without mercy. This went on for a few moments. They were now floating in the pool, relaxed. 

"I have something totally crazy in mind." Eren said. 

"What is it?" 

"Like, it's very risky but..."

"Just say it!"

"Alright," Eren composed himself. "What if we have sex right here and now?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, why not?" 

Levi sat on the edge. Eren joined him. 

"So what do you say?" 

Levi looked him in the eyes and smiled. Eren blushed and averted his eyes, he was dangling his legs in the pool. Levi took his hand and kissed his neck. It sent shivers down Eren's back. He left a mark where his lips went. The soft blueish light from the pool illuminated the room. 

It was quiet, calm and warm. Levi got on top of Eren and continued planting kisses anywhere he could get his lips on. Eren didn't want to be the submissive one, he wanted to prove that he's not the kid that Levi sees him as. With a little bit of force, he pushed Levi on his back. 

He looked at Eren with surprise but it soon turned into a grin and he whispered out:

"Show me what you got." 

Eren got a little sheepish but started leaving hickeys on Levi's neck and collarbone. He could feel Levi's buldge. The only thing that's getting in his way is the swimming shorts. Levi almost let out a moan from the touch. 

Amused, Eren slipped his hand d in Levi's shorts. 

"Wait!" Eren suddenly jumped up. 

"What is it?" Levi propped himself on his elbows. 

"I have lube back at my room."

"Why do you have that, may I ask?"

"I accidentally bought it..."

"Accidentally?" Levi snorted. 

"Well..." Eren trailed off. "How about I grab the lube and we do the do in your hotel room?"

"Sounds like a plan. Don't get lost. Breaking news: boy lost in hotel corridor with lube, anyone that bad seen this boy report him. "

"Wow, I'm laughing my ass off." 

"Hurry up, cuntmuffin."

"Excuse you. Attitude, fuck nugget." Eren gave a half smile. 

"Yeah, yeah." 

Eren went out the door and hurried to his room. Levi sat on the floor a bit longer before getting up. He got his things and headed to his room. He sighed after Er closing the door and chuckled to himself. 

Levi threw his shirt on the chair and collapsed onto the soft, hotel bed. He had his hands behind his head and looking up at the ceiling. The lights outside were as pretty as always. He closed his eyes for just a second and he fell asleep without noticing. 

Eren came back and found Levi sleeping soundly in his bed, he decided to let him rest and covered him with a blanket. Eren planted a kiss on his forehead and whispered goodnight. Levi grabbed Eren by the waist and pulled him into bed with him. 

They fell asleep in each others arms, cuddling up with one another. 

* * *

 

Like any journey, this one had to end. Unfortunately, Eren left and few days earlier than Levi. They promised to still keep in touch and maybe see each other again. Levi spent the remaining days alone, wandering and exploring different parts of this city. He also visited Kenny. He didn't go in depth of what happened in his life. They chatted about life's philosophical meaning and, as always, Kenny ranted about how great women are in bed.

After hearing enough of Kenny's rants, Levi set out to fly back home and rest there a little. Something in him changed, he feels so lightweight and free. Erwin was right, he did need a vacation.

\---♡---

It has been a few days since he came back home, Isabel and Farlan were getting married next month and they invited Levi. He gladly took the offer to lead the bride to the altar. 

Levi wasn't expecting Eren to write back at all but he wrote everyday. It was just small, dear messages but it meant a lot to Levi. Eren was constantly complaining how hot it was getting and about his graduation. Levi wanted to be there, Eren said he'd buy him tickets to see him in Eren's home country. Levi thanked him but said that he really didn't need to go that far. 

Everything seemed to fall into place again. He visited Petra grave a day after his return home. This time with a smile and a thanks. Levi told her all about his time in Holland and the brunette boy he met during his trip there. 

Recently, he got an envelope. He opened it without looking who sent it, thinking it was another bill. When he saw what was inside, he knew exactly who this was from. 

Eren had sent him plane tickets to Lithuania and a map with directions from the airport to his university. Levi smiled and set these things aside on the coffee table. There was a white card there too. Levi tried to open it, he did but glitter spread everywhere.  _That little brat..._

He decided not to say anything to Eren about getting the tickets, he'll surprise him at the ceremony. 

~~♡~~

Levi's searching around the crowd of people for Eren. It's a bit odd to hear people talk a language you don't understand at all. There, he spotted Eren. He got closer. Not too close, he was talking with his friends and relatives? 

"Ačiū, bet tikrai nereikėjo." Eren laughed and scratched the back of his head. He sounds even sexier when he speaks in a different language. 

"Na kaip nereikėjo? Tu jau tapai visišku suaugusiu! Linkim tau daug sėkmės gyvenime." one of his relatives smiled warmly and patted him on the shoulder. 

There were a couple of his other relatives and close friends. It kind of bugged that he couldn't understand them. He decided to wait outside the crowd, it was starting to get really hot. He wasn't lying when he said it was getting hot as hell. 

 Levi was standing outside Eren's university and looking at passing cars. He stared at the building. It felt like a while has passed since Eren was talking with his friends. Levi suddenly got out of balance. Eren had almost knocked him over with the warmest hug.

"You made it!" Eren nuzzled into Levi.

"Yeah, I missed you." Levi wrapped his arms around Eren. 

"I'm so glad you came! I have so much to show you around here!" Eren was so excited he was barely keeping still in one place 

"Eren, say hello in your language?" 

"Labas, meile mano." Eren kissed Levi. 

"Did you mess with me or this is for real?"

"It's both. It translates to  _Hello, my love."_

"That's so cheesy, I'm gonna throw up."

"Shut up!" Eren laughed. 

"I probably would have said that to a shop clerk!"

"No way! Aww, now I regret translating it." Eren chuckled. 

"So where are we going?" 

"Downtown, there's a lot to see there." Eren thought for a bit. "No, maybe you want to see my house?"

"Actually, I don't really have a hotel to stay in so..."

"Perfect, you're staying at my place then!" Eren dragged Levi to his car and sat behind the wheel. 

"You're driving?"

"Yup!"

"I'm gonna die aren't I?"

"It'll be fine!" Eren laughed it off and went the speed limit, occasionally going a bit faster when there were no cops around. 

"So how far is your place?"

"Like, a ten minute drive?"

"So you don't know?"

"Look, I leave early and come home exhausted. Counting how long the drive takes is the last thing on my mind. Eren sighed. "You wanna grab something to eat?"

"Yeah, we're going to town?"

"Absolutely. There's this really good place I know."

"Uh-huh." Levi was starting at Eren. 

"What?" he stopped at the red light. 

"I don't know... It just looks like this is where you belong." Levi smiled and at that moment, the sun beamed through the clouds. 

"I'm so happy that I met you." 

"Oh, stop it you." Levi looked out the window. 

It's mid July, everything looks so alive. Summer's hits were playing on the radio, it was one of the weirdest and the best feelings in the world to be next to Eren and seeing him bathed in sunshine. 

 ---~♥~---

Levi has been staying in Lithuania for a week now. The summers here seem rainy but pleasant. Eren was driving around places, searching for a job. Levi has learned a few phrases that would come useful in everyday situations. He could somewhat tell the weather forecast, go shopping and have a friendly greet with a neighbor.

It'd be nice to live here, since Eren is here but he'd need to learn a lot more. No matter how busy Eren gets while job hunting, he always finds time to spend with Levi. They eat out together and chat about this and that. 

With every day, Levi falls for him even more. He's surprised how close they've gotten over the past month. Levi mentioned Isabel and Farlan's wedding coming up. Eren didn't know them but he sounded so enthusiastic when Levi invited him to come with. 

\---

Eren had another interview today, he left giving Levi a kiss, just as if they were married. 

"I'll be back soon, promise." Eren winked.

"Alright, I'll be waiting." Levi smiled and waved him goodbye. 

Levi closed the door and went back to the kitchen, he was cleaning up. The house was quiet without Eren here so he turned on the TV to play in the background. Some stupid soap opera was playing. Who even watches these anymore? 

It was cloudy outside, that became natural. The summers are usually like this in Lithuania. This is familiar. Levi frowned. It started to drizzle outside. Eren didn't take his umbrella, he'll get soaked if it starts raining any harder. 

After about ten minutes the rain got really intense, it's almost like a fog. Levi got worried, he called Eren. A few rings later, no one picked up. He tried again. 

_"This season the rain really is going at it."_

_"Yeah, we advice people to be careful on the road, might be a little slippery."_

_"For those who are staying home today, cuddle with your pet, book and a cup of tea, it looks like it'll rain all day."_

No, Levi knew this scenario. He doesn't need this again. Eren isn't picking up, the road is slippery, barely anything is seen. There's no need to panic, he's alright. 

Levi threw on his jacket and took the umbrella. He knew which way to go, Eren wouldn't shut up about the place he's going, that came in handy. It cooled down, Levi's breathing got heavier. He was almost running. He had to make sure that he's okay. 

Eren will definitely be careful, he's being interviewed right now, he's safe. He's safe. 

This umbrella is just getting in the way, Levi closed it and started walking faster. He just needs to turn this corner and... 

Levi's heart dropped. No... Not this again... 

Eren's car was crashed, scraps of metal went everywhere. Glass shards, metal screws, blood. The police was already covering the scene. Levi dropped to his knees, he can't believe this... This can't be... 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are the translations for the Lithuanian text :3  
> "Ačiū, bet tikrai nereikėjo." - "Thank you, but you really didn't have to."  
> "Na kaip nereikėjo? Tu jau tapai visišku suaugusiu! Linkim tau daug sėkmės gyvenime." - "what do you mean we didn't have to? You're a full grown adult now! We wish you the best of luck in life."


End file.
